My Favorite Carlin Quotes

This is dangerously close to a dead horse, but the car talk guys mentioned their favorite Carlin quotes, which made me think of mine:

“When someone asks you, a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?”

“Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”

“Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.”

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

“There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.”

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

And my favorite:

“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”